When you look at the bottom line of it all, there is no competition between single mothers and married mothers. Good mothers, no matter what their marital status, want to raise children who are happy, productive adults.
Caring for My Family Is Not A Hustle
A few days ago while on Facebook, I saw a photo of a woman with a caption that read, “No one hustles harder than a single mother.” As a married mother, the photo caught my attention, so I scanned the comments. In sum, the opinion of a majority of the commenters seemed to be that single are better mothers because they have to do so much without spouses to help. The comments made me chuckle.
The idea that single mothers are better mothers simply because they are doing two jobs is not a new concept to me. It is one I hear often from single mothers. By way of comparison, in my circle of married mothers, I never hear about comparisons to or competition with single mothers. The first thing I did after chuckling over the caption was look up the definition of the word hustle. I looked at both traditional and modern definitions. Merriam Webster defined hustle as:
a :to obtain by energetic activity
b :to sell something to or obtain something from by energetic and especially underhanded activity
c :to sell or promote energetically and aggressively
According to Urban Dictionary to hustle is to do “Anythin you need to do to make money… be it sellin cars, drugs, ya body. If you makin money, you hustlin.” I found both definitions interesting, but not applicable to what I do as a mother.
The Merriam Webster definition did not appeal to me for several reasons. First, while it requires energy and stamina to do what I do as a mother, I would not describe raising my children in a loving, caring home as something to be obtained simply by energetic activity. Secondly, motherhood is not something I sell. Thirdly, mothering is not some underhanded activity in which I engage. I also found the Urban Dictionary definition distasteful. It made hustling seem like something unseemly risqué or shameful. Of course, like most people, I work for a living. I must make money to contribute to the financial well-being of my family. However, I do not provide that financial support in an unsavory or illegal manner.
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I agree that being a mother is hard period. I’m married, and because my husband’s work hours are crazy, there are times when I’m doing everything alone.
I am honored that you found something in my words worth sharing with a friend! That is indeed high praise and a treasured compliment.
You are correct. We should stop worrying about what others think and stop telling others what to do merely because we do things differently.
The world will be a better place when we don’t feel the need to tear down another person and instead use that energy to make life better at home.
I really love your post, We all want whats best for our family we are all working hard to be the best mother to our family. i’m gonna tell this to my sister
You bring up many good points that I often fail to think about when it comes to motherhood. I need to share this with a friend of mine.
I think being a mother is determining what is best for your family, your situation and your beliefs. We all should stop the judging. It’s not beneficial to anyone. Stand up for yourself and your family and stop worrying about what others think.
The mommy wars. Just frustrating that we women have to tear each other down. Somethign I am working hard at not doing or be involved in any more.
Yes! We may all do it a little differently, but we are all trying to do it well. What I do works wonderfully in my home, with my family, but may be a disaster for other families. Motherhood is custom made and there is no one size fits every family.
Yes, we are all working hard to be the best moms we can no matter what our marital status. There just seems to be something a little unsavory about calling motherhood a hustle.
I’m glad you shared this! I’m not a mother but I know my mom does ALOT. It is always hurtful to me as a woman to see other women talk about other mothers who work or don’t work or don’t necessarily parent the way they would want them to. Most mothers are doing the best that they can and do a darn good job of doing so.
I agree, we are not in a competition here. We all work hard and we all have a variety of things happening in our life, good and bad, that we are dealing with…regardless of our marital status. I also don’t like the work hustle. I have never ever thought of that word when I needed to describe my day as a working mother.
Exactly!
We are all doing the best we can. We definitely work hard!