If your kid is a monster, stop pretending he is a saint. As parents, one of our jobs is to advocate for our children. I believe that so strongly I wrote a book about it – How to Advocate for Your Children to Succeed. However, when you advocate for your children, be careful not to cross the line to condoning their bad behavior.
Never try to convince others that the wrong done by your children is actually right.
The news is all abuzz with stories about convicted rapist, Brock Turner. He is the convicted rapist who was caught in the act of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. His case, which was bad enough on its own, was even more repugnant because he was given a sentence of merely 6 months in prison and is set to be released after a scant 3 months. Another factor that made his conviction more revolting was the letter his father wrote to the judge in the case requesting leniency in part because “20 minutes of action” was too insignificant to be worthy of harsh punishment. Today I read a letter that the convicted rapist’s mother wrote to the judge and was disgusted yet again.
In her letter, Carleen Turner wrote that her son “has always been very easy-going, kind, considerate, and respectful.” I was disgusted when I read these words. In my world, men, even young men who are easy-going, kind, considerate and respectful do not rape unconscious women. Let’s start the discussion with some basic definitions of terms that will be used in this article so we can all be on one accord. The basic terms we will be working with are:
- kind
- considerate
- respectful
- rape
- rapist
Kind, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is an adjective that is used to describe behavior that is of a pleasant nature, gentle, of a pleasant nature.
Considerate, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is an adjective that is used to describe behavior that is circumspect, thoughtful of the rights and feelings of another.
Respectful, according to dictionary.com is an adjective that is used to define behavior that is characterized by respect, full of outward civility. It also encompasses behavior that is morally correct.
Rape is both a noun and a verb. When used as a noun, according to the United States Department of Justice, rape is: “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”
Rapist is the name commonly given to a person who performs a rape. Rapists are not kind, considerate or respectful.
When one looks at these common definitions for kind, considerate and respectful one word that never comes to mind is rape. One type of person that one would never expect to be used to describe someone who was caught in the act of raping an unconscious woman and then convicted of that horrific crime
Read the text of Carleen Turner’s letter to the judge after her son was convicted of rape.
Normally, we want more behavior that is kind, considerate and respectful. Carleen Turner described her son as kind, considerate and respectful. Brock Turner was found in the act of raping an unconscious woman. He was convicted of the crime of rape. It would logically follow then, that she would want more people to act like her son – to copy his behavior. Should we take this to mean that she wants to see more men rape unconscious women behind dumpsters? After all, that is the behavior that her kind, considerate and respectful son engaged in.
In her letter to the judge, Carleen Turner stated that after the horror of hearing that the son she described as trustworthy and honest was accused of rape she has not been able to decorate her new home or hang anything on the walls. Perhaps that is how things should be. When our children do horrible unspeakable things, we should take time to pause, reflect and think.
Continued on page 2. Click 2 below to continue.
If your child does something wrong, they should own up to that wrong. There is no excuse for you making excuses for them. It will just make them think that it is okay in your eyes to do the same act in the future.
Theres always a paradim i’ve never looked through before. Very interesting thoughts.
I can not imagine how the parents of people who do terrible acts must feel. There has been so many awful stories in the news lately.
I could never imagine this happening. We all do what we can to make sure we raise our kids right, but that doesn’t always mean they’re going to follow through with that. I just can’t even imagine.
So many horrible things have been in the news lately. It’s hard to comprehend why people would even do things like this.
I will always stand by my child, when their behavior and actions warrant it. I can not stand by them if they choose acts of violence or hate.
I have been plagued by sadness ever since I heard about this incident. I have been thinking about the poor girl. I hope she can find peace.
The whole situation is disgusting, disturbing, terrifying, … I could go on and on. I definitely think that as parents we have to hold our children accountable for their actions.
This whole case has me shaking my head. Our society is so twisted and convoluted. The thing is, you raise your kids but at some point the move on and the do their own thing, they make their own choices. They SHOULD face the consequences. His parents heartbreak should be over the pain and trauma their son has caused another human being, not over his punishments for what he did.
This whole ordeal has me in knots. Quite frankly, if it were my son and even though he’s my son, I would still want him to get what he deserves and 6 months or 3 months is not enough. I would question myself as to where in the heck I went wrong that he would even do such a thing. The fact of the matter is, wrong is wrong, and this case just makes me angry all around.
I feel that in today’s day we often make excuses for our children instead of reprimanding them and in a way have shown them that it is okay to be bad. It drives me nuts. I am one who is NOT my kids’ friend, I am their mother and though I will always give them love, I will also be the first to tell them when they mess up
I definetly defend my daughter when it is appropriate but also reprimand her when I know she is wrong. It is hard raising kids that is for sure but I don’t know what I would do if she did anything as horrid as this.
This is just so terrible that he did this. I do not know how I would handle something like this as a parent.
I try to raise my kids as best as I can. I don’t have boys but, this is very interesting.
I am trying my hardest to raise my kiddo to know right from wrong. He is extremely considerate and loves live! He is the most giving kiddo I know. I am strict on him and he does not get away with stuff.
I don’t know what I would do if my child ever committed such acts of atrocity. I can’t even imagine….