• Tue. Aug 9th, 2022

Janeane's World

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Never Let Them See You Sweat – What I Learned from My Husband in 2013

You can find serenity in realizing that you can learn things from an old spouse and I learned, “never let them see you sweat.” I am one of those women who tell old wives’ tales. I tell them because I am an old wife. I have been happily married for more than 31 years. This means I have an old husband who has been trying to teach me things for many years.

Darren has been telling me things for a long time. I mean we met when I was 19 years old many, many years ago. A lot of what he tells me goes in the left ear and out the right or in the right ear and out the left. Sometimes though, he says something to me goes in and stays. Those precious words find a home and stay to keep me company. This year I learned, really learned, “never let them see you sweat.”

darren, never let them see you sweat www.janeanesworld.com
Darren Davis – my darling husband and teacher

On April 27, 2013 my twins and I were walking home from the market when we were struck by a hit and run driver in a Ford F-150 truck. The driver hit us, looked at us laying in the street and drove off. This was the start of the was the worst three days in my life while I waited to see if one of my twins was going to die, be paralyzed or need surgery. My daughter spent six days in the hospital. I went in with her that Thursday and stayed at the hospital, which was in another state, the entire time.

The medical staff and hospital personnel did a wonderful job taking care of my daughter. Doctors, social workers and church chaplains prayed with me. They advised me, counseled me and cared for my daughter when she could not care for herself. At the same time, as helpful as they were, as kind as they were, taking care of my baby was just one of many things they had to do that day. It was business for them, not personal. For me, it was personal. This was Zahirah, my big twin, my baby who I almost died giving birth to, who I breastfed for 16 months and who I loved for five years and 10 months.

www.janeanesworld.com Zahirah, my big twin on a better day.
Zahirah, my big twin on a better day.

I was scared, I was nervous, I was mad, I was worried. I was many things. My husband was at home with our other three children who still had to get to school. He had just started working at a new job and could not take off work. I had to stay at the hospital with my baby and make sure she was okay. I did not want her to wake up to strangers. I had to take notes on each medication administered, each vital statistics check, each change in personnel. Most of all, I had to stay calm and not let them see me sweat.

As I said, to the hospital staff and personnel, my baby’s care was business and business people do not respond well to tears, to crying mothers to hand wringing. They respond much better to mothers who are sitting up, taking notes, asking questions based on internet research and comparing notes and plans from one discipline of medicine to another. So, I had to be that mother, the in control mother, the mother who wanted details, answers and specific plans and procedural explanations.

For years my husband had told me, his wife who does not own a poker face, to stay calm, to “never let them see you sweat.” It was hard for me, heck it was almost impossible for me. But on April 27, 2013, his lesson, “never let them see you sweat,” became real. I learned that if on the worst day of my life, I could suck it up, put on my big girl panties and keep the sweat in check, there was nothing I could not do.

Each time I felt the tears welling up, when the fear and nervousness became almost unbearable, I heard Darren’s words, “never let them see you sweat.” I heard his words, I prayed for strength and I was able to keep the sweat in check. The lesson Darren had been trying to teach me almost since the day we met became real and I actually learned it, really learned it.

In conclusion, you can find serenity in realizing that you can learn things from an old spouse. So, the question for you this serene day is, what have you learned from your spouse?


If you want to read more stories about happily ever after couples, check out the following:


I am Thankful For My Husband Today and Every DayAt Thanksgiving time, people all over America are listing all the things for which they are thankful. I am joining that group and stating that I am thankful today, as I am every day for my husband Darren. Click here to read more.


Never Let Them See You Sweat – What I Learned from My Husband – You can find serenity in realizing that you can learn things from an old spouse and I learned, “never let them see you sweat.” I am one of those women who tell old wives’ tales. I tell them because I am an old wife. Click here to read more.


Healthy Competition With Your Husband Can Be Fun! – You can find serenity in knowing that a little healthy competition between spouses can be a fun, good and beneficial thing. My husband and I were HOT when we got married. I am talking smoking hot. Click here to read more.


Communist Pick Up Lines or How I Met My Husband – I never thought I would be a fan of Communist pick up lines, but that is how I met my husband. Reading “The Communist Manifesto” as a college student got my husband’s attention.  Click here to read more.


Love and What a Thing to Say – I Had Nothing Better to Do

You can find serenity in building a love that stands the tests of time, in-laws and children. When you find that serenity, you will also find peace, comfort, and strength. Click here to read more.


Also, check out our Confidence Tip of the Day YouTube channel for hundreds of videos on creating the confidence you need to succeed.


50 thoughts on “Never Let Them See You Sweat – What I Learned from My Husband in 2013”
  1. My husband is always telling me to stay calm…stop letting people control my emotions. What a brave thing you did…as mothers we know how to get into that mother role when we need to and at that time it wasn’t about how Janeane felt but more of how you make sure your daughter get the best care & get well! Bravo to you & to your husband!

  2. I remember the day that happened and couldn’t imagine my response or being in your shoes. I am learning from your experience, to place value on what’s important and to not fear what you cannot control.

  3. Yes, I am with you…sometimes things people tell us, especially our closest peeps, goes in one ear and out the other. But when we need it most, just like you did in April, it helps us, consoles us, even saves us and I’m so glad your hubby had your back! I wish you guys many more years together!

    And although your daughter doesn’t know me, give her a big hug for me. Tell her some people (unlike that driver) genuinely care about others and show it, even when she doesn’t see or know them. 🙂

  4. WOW.. kudos for sharing this part of your life with us.. I bet it was scary and not easy at all… ((HUGS))) and soo glad things are looking much better… you have been strong and you will stay strong, I just know it…

  5. This is pretty important to remember. Being able to control our emotions to be continue to do what we need to do is definitely a life skill.

  6. Sometimes hiding that “sweat” from the world helps us hold on until the real confidence comes back.

  7. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been on your family! Is that a photo of your daughter now? What a sweetheart. I bet she learned a lot from your steadfast support!

  8. That last statement you made about sometimes it is ok for them to see you sweat is a good one. It is hard to know when to turn it on and off though isn’t it?

  9. Nurses are heroes to me. I have only ever been a patient when giving birth to my children and the nurses are the people who kept me alive, safe, secure and feeling good. Thank you for all you do.

  10. Oh my! My heart is filled to the brim for you! It demonstrates that no matter how hard a day is, there can be worse and you are testament to being able to walk through it and love and give that love and strength to your little one. Ironically, “never let them see you sweat” is one of my favorite sayings. I used it often and it has been helpful. Though, sometimes, I have had to remind myself it is ok for them to see me sweat…

  11. Wow, you’re amazing. And so is your hubby. I’m hoping everyone is good? I do love the “Never let them see you sweat” – I LOVE that. I’ve said that to my girls a lot… but in different words. Basically telling them, no matter how you feel, LOOK confident. It helps.

  12. I just want to go and hug you! I’m so sorry that this happened to you.

  13. Janeane,, you are such a strong woman and very lucky to have a strong husband. I am a nurse and see so many families fall apart when they are having to face difficult decisions. Your husband did well to teach you that lesson, and you did even better to listen and learn.

  14. Wow, I am not even sure what to say. I am so sorry for your loss and so happy that you have the support to make it through this. I pray that the person who did this has been found. No matter, he will suffer his whole life. You and your family will be able to find peace though.

  15. Wow Janeane… thank you for sharing such a deeply profound and raw story with us. I hope the driver was eventually upheld to justice, one way or the other, for their actions. Part of my work as a healer/therapist involves assisting people with emotional release and creative expression, so I believe that true and core strength can still be shown through the intensity of tears 😉 You have a wonderful, supportive spouse. In answer to your question, I am only married six years, and have probably doubted things every four months or so – thus, I am still learning so much with my husband. He is continually teaching me patience, trust, and to see the humor in all things.

  16. That is terrible that someone would do that! How wonderful you had such an amazing spouse to support you.

  17. So sorry to hear about your accident. I have learned from my husband that I am a lot stronger then what I thought I was. I think we teach each other new things all the time.

  18. Sorry to hear you were in such a terrible accident, happy to learn you and your daughters turned out OK. I don’t have a spouse but I’m very observant of people and I don’t understand why many see emotion and kindness as a weakness, it pains me to have to agree with don’t let them see you sweat but I’m starting to see how people are and I am very disappointed.

  19. I have learned from my husband how to stay calm in difficult situations.

  20. What a horrible situation to go through! Your husband sounds very wise indeed, and that is wonderful advice!

  21. How scary and awful. I’m not sure if I would be able to have that much poise and self control in a situation like that. It was really good advice he gave you, and I’m glad it helped you to stay calm.

  22. Wow, I had no idea you had gone through such a life-changing experience this year, Janeane! I’m so glad that everything turned out for the best. I’ve only been married for a couple of years, but I’ve already learned so much from my wonderful husband. I hope that we are still teaching each other new things after 23 years, as you and your husband are. 🙂

  23. I couldn’t imagine myself if I had an accident with my kids and they are the ones in a big harmful state. I would probably feel horrible or guilty or something… I just don’t know… What you did is a wake up call to us Moms. Thank you for that. I think you did great though. Moms nature to take good care and be at their kids at all times. I’m glad your husband did not get angry. He loves and cares for you too 🙂

  24. It’s amazing what we can do when it’s for our babies, huh?

    How are you all doing now? That had to be such a hard time!!

  25. Kudos to you for being able to stay calm and react so well in such a scary situation! I couldn’t imagine having to go through that, and I doubt I could handle it all like you did. I do agree though that we can learn new things from our spouses after years of marriage!

  26. What a scary, scary time in your life.

    My husband basically says the same thing, but not so eloquently. Basically…why care what other people think? Sometimes it’s easier said than done.

  27. That is an inspirational story (and a crazy one, because I can’t believe another human being could just drive off like that. Terrible.)! My husband teaches me lots, mostly not to let other people get to me. I’m not really thin-skinned, but sometimes I let things bother me that I shouldn’t.

  28. What an amazing story! I am so sorry that you had to go through that, but your husband’s advice certainly helped! My spouse is full of old wisdom like that too!

  29. My husband has taught me to have faith in myself. Many times I have idea that I want to try but there is a little voice inside me saying that it wouldn’t work. He always tells me to try and believe.

  30. Bless your heart. I’m realizing too that a spouse usually knows us better than we give them credit for. Glad your little girl is alright.

  31. Thanks for your kind words. It is weird how people can tell us things over and over for years and it never sticks, then one day that piece of advice is the best thing ever and saves your life! And yes, Darren is wise, I think I will keep hiim. hahahaha

  32. My heart goes out to you. I would have buckled in the first minute. Your husband was wise to tell you this; because believing that if you broke down it would affect your daughter’s health negatively gave you strength to keep it together. It sounds like you have a very strong family that can conquer all. Bless you and God be with you, especially at this time of year. All the best to you and your family.

  33. I cannot imagine how painful and difficult that whole experience must have been for you. It sounds like you dug deep and did what you had to for your daughter. It’s interesting how certain bits of advice that we get from friends and loved ones stick with us, and help us in times of need. Your husband sounds like a very wise man.

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