It is magnificent to realize that even if you screwed up yesterday, today can be different. When you have done something wrong, it is not the end of the world, take steps to make things better. Sometimes people get so upset about the past they forget what a present the present day can be. My husband has one method for dealing with every mistake he makes no matter how big or how small. Here it is: “When you mess up, ‘fess up and then fix up.” He has applied this formula to every mistake or problem he has had for the 27 years I have known him and this method has worked remarkably well.
Let’s look at part one. It is inevitable. As long as we are alive on the earth, at one time or another, we are going to make mistakes, do things wrong or just make a mess of a situation. It is part of rice and as certain as sunrise, sunset and taxes in America. Since mistakes, accidents and messes happen the prudent thing is not to avoid them, but to figure out the best way to handle them once they have occurred.
The first thing you must do when you make a mistake is the ‘fess up. The ‘fessing up is a two-part process. Part one occurs after you make a mistake, confess, admit you made the mistake. It is not good to try to deny it, to try to blame someone else or to minimize the situation. The best course of action is to admit you were wrong and that you made a mistake, period. Don’t make excuses, don’t try to minimize it, just admit you were wrong. Most people have heard the expression, “The first step is to admit you have a problem.” That is the advice given to people at the start of AA or NA meetings. Even psychologist Dr. Phil tells people that they cannot fix what they not acknowledge is wrong. So, once you make a mistake, ‘fess up, admit you made a mistake.
The second part of the ‘fessing up process is the part where you say the words, ” I am sorry.” Often people think the admission of wrongdoing is sufficient. It is not, the words, “I am sorry.” Must be said. The person who is the victim of your mistake, accident or mess must hear you say the words in order to believe that you mean them. Apologizing is good for you and for the victim of your mistakes. So, apologize, say the words to show you actually apologize.
The next and final step in the mistake correction plan is to fix the problem. Once you have made a mistake, accident or mess and admitted the mistake was your mistake, you must move to fix the problem. There are a variety of corrective measures that can be taken. The correct one depends on the exact circumstances involved. For example, if you break a vase at a friend’s house you can:
- replace the vase win an identical item
- give your friend monetary compensation for the vase
- repair the vase
- offer a substitute as a replacement
- ask your friend to suggest acceptable corrective action
It is important to keep in mind that sometimes, none of your actions will “fix” the situation. In those cases, the fix may be to figure out a way to keep the mistake, accident or mess up from happening again. For example if you break your word and cause harm to someone else and nothing short of creating a time machine and going back in time can fix what has been done, do the following:
- admit that what happened was your fault
- specifically say, “I am sorry” for what has taken place
- make a list of things you will do, realistically and honestly to keep the mistake, accident or mess from happening again
In conclusion, it is magnificent to know that no matter how bad yesterday was, today is a whole new adventure. So, the question for you this magnificent day is what are you doing to shake off the troubles of yesterday?
You are right, keeping up the facade and not admitting the mistake does cause the hurt to go deeper than the original wrong sometims.
You are right. Fessing up solves a lot of problems and does save relationships.
Sometimes people hurt people even deeper when they don’t fees up after being caught in a misdeed or wrongdoing. They keep up the facade and end up damaging the relationship. That is so wrong.
I love this. It is very encouraging and it reminds me to look at things with this perspective.
Whew! Thank goodness for a new day.
This is a lesson so many people need to learn.
Yes. This is an easy lesson for children to learn at a very young age. Once they learn it, they have ti for a lifetime.
I am such a huge proponent of this. I tell my boys all the time to tell me the truth, take accountability and then I let them know I expect more from them. Even as 4 and 6 years old, they totally get it.
This lesson is important to me personally right now in light of an issue with which I am deaing.
Such an important lesson. As I get older, I think I appreciate those that take accountability much more than I ever did before. And yes, Gina has it right, a sincere apology makes a huge difference.
I used to dwell on the “would have”, “could have” and “should have” but all it did was make me sad. Once I said, ok, yesterday is done, today I can do better, I started doing better and was happier.
That is good advice you give your son.
You know how husbands are, mine will love hearing someone lovede his philosophy. But it is an easy wasy to teach the kids.
I learned that when I apologize this way people forgive me faster when I acknowledge it is my fault!
I learned this as an adult, after getting a lousy apology. But I guess better late than never to learn the lesson.
I agree, don’t blame others! Take responsibility!
One thing that’s critical – make it a sincere apology! One thing I was never taught as a kid was how to do apology without excuse (even if you have a good one!) Once I changed THAT crummy habit, my friendships & relationships flourished. Good advice here.
I love his philosophy. When you mess up, fess up, then fix up. How perfect!
Every day is an opportunity to have a fresh start and to change your life. Thanks for the motivation!
I love this! I often tell my son when he has a bad day “tomorrow is another try” and how we have to leave the past behind and look forward.
I like the way you think! I am with you, no sense dwelling on things – just take each new day and get the most you can from it! If you go into it with excitement and a winning/positive attitude – good things will come 🙂