The parents at the first party told their son, they would buy whatever he wanted in order to have a great birthday party. The parents at the second party told their daughter they were having a party at home so she could have a great time outdoors with her friends.
The thing that stood out most to me when talking to the two sets of parents about the party was the difference in the attitudes of the parents. The first set of parents emphasized money and the things that would be needed to make their son happy. These parents thought happiness, fun and good memories would come from the things they purchased for their son. The second set of parents talked about their daughters favorite people. They thought happiness, fun and good memories would come from the people their daughter was around on her big day. which set of parents was correct?
In fact, both sets of parents were correct. Money buys things that make us happy. Things do make us happy. That is one of the reasons we work. We want the ability to get things. houses, cars, food, clothes, books, jewelry and toys make us happy. People make us happy. That is the reason we make friends, marry and have children. It is not a matter of finding a winner between money and people. It is important to realize that both make us happy and there is nothing wrong with wanting either or both.
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Decide what your family values and stress that with your children.
Parents are their children’s first teachers. That means we have a great deal of influence that we must use wisely. If you want your children to value family stress the importance of family beginning when your children are young. There are ways to make teaching family values part of everyday life. When we find ways to do that, our children absorb the lessons without realizing that they were being taught. This is the idea behind educational games. When children do things they enjoy, when they learn, remember and absorb. Often all this happens without the children realizing they are being taught lessons.
One way to teach your children what you value is to use movies. Watch movies that have the values you want to stress in your family. When my oldest daughter was a girl of three or so, our family watched the movie Mulan. Our daughter enjoyed watching that movie over and over. There was one point at which she was watching that movie more than once per day. One of the themes in the movie was that children should bring honor to their parents. Her enjoyment of the movie made it possible for my husband and I to use the movie as a tool to teach our daughter to act in an honorable way in all she did. Today, more than sixteen years after she first saw the movie, we can ask her if she is being like Mulan and she will know we are asking if she is being honorable.
The dinner table is another place where we can teach our children what is important and what we value. Dinner table conversations are wonderful because there is something peasant and relaxed about sharing a meal. For many families, coming together at dinner, after a day at work and school is a chance to relax and share stories of the day. Often, the relaxed, informal atmosphere allows children to share what is going on in their lives. Parents who listen and encourage conversation ill be in an excellent position to influence how their children see and interpret the world.
At our house, at dinner, each person around the table gets to share the thing they liked most about their day. We start with one person and go around the table. Each day a different person gets to be the first to share. These conversations have done a lot to teach us what each person values, thinks is important and wants from life. These dinner conversations have enabled my husband and I to tailor later discussions. Interestingly, our children added to our dinner conversations. They started breakfast conversations where everyone around the table gets to share their dreams. This was something they created all on their own because they liked the dinner conversations so much.
Yet another way to influence your children is family game night. It doesn’t matter what the game is – a board game, bowling, video game or laser tag or any other. There is something wonderful about a family relaxing and playing together. Play is a way to teach your children about teamwork, competition and consensus building. It is also a way to slip in conversations about things you value and want your children to value. During play, children are happy and relaxed. By being subtle, parents can use playtime to teach family values and life lessons.
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Our children our precious not only to us, but to the world. Look for opportunities to pass along your values to your children. You can find serenity in teaching your children what you value. So, the question for you this serene day is, how do you teach your children what is important in life?
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I love to reading this! It is important to teach good value to our kids, to inspire them to be better, wiser than us! Love your post!
I agree. Your kids follow your lead. What do you show them? What do you watch and allow them to watch?
You know, as a parent now I can look back and see how my parents raised me and we pick and choose what worked, what didn’t and adjust our parenting style to make sure our words are matching the message we are wanting to teach to our children.
So true. Children learn by example. Consistant guiding will create good values.
I love to reading this, it is important to teach good value to our kids
Leading by example is so important. Good values (and manners) start at home. Great points!
Acceptance and love for all is such a good philosophy – diversity makes the world go round.
It is important to take the time to teach our kids to be good people.
I like teaching the lessons during playtime because the children are relaxed, they have their guard down and are not expecting us to be actively teaching.
YES!!! Stuff that money can buy is nice, but not as precious as time. My children prefer hugs and attention to gifts and those two things are always readily available!
It is amazing what our children learn from just watching their parents live! I know we have to be deliberate about teaching lessons, but we also must watch what we do just walking and living.
I love the idea of using both playtime and dinner time to teach some family values. We hadn’t tried using playtime like that!
Such a great post! I’m always doing things in attempt to positively influence my daughter in following our family values.
Love this post. My husband and I were just talking the other day that our kids are becoming spoiled and that we need to teach them more about empathy and appreciation.
Such an important message. We teach in all we do, say and all we don’t say! Our kids see it all! Thanks for this reminder!
So true – we are our children’s role models. We need to take those roles seriously.
Children live what they learn.. If good values are not taught at home .. they will get it elsewhere and it might not be good
What a great contrast. I wonder what my kids would say about the differences in parties like this. I think teaching them simplicity and that “stuff” does not matter is super important.
I really like that story. No matter how big or how small you go with parties, it shows when they’re done with heart and soul. Your daughters understood!
My dad passed away this year, and so we’ve been reflecting a lot on my sister and my childhood. You know what? We had second-hand clothes, hand knitted toys and rarely a present between us. But mum and dad were always there for a fun day in the park or for bedtime stories and fun. I remember those memories more than anything else. Sounds like your kids will be doing the same as they grow up into caring, empathic adults. Good on you!
This is such a simple concept, but one that gets pushed aside, lost in all the all-consuming must-haves. Setting a good example for our children, appreciating time, people, adventure for what it is and not expecting something else is a great way to teach values.
Exactly! We have more fun when we’re out having a picnic or something than when we’re doing something that costs a ton of money!
It’s important to teach good family values. When you teach them then your children pass them on to their kids and this starts a good family line.