Single moms and married moms have to compete for many things but who is a better mom is not one.
I have been a happily married woman for 29 years. I have been a happily parenting mother for 19 years. I think the best way for me to be a parent in my home is to raise my children is in a home with two loving, happily married parents. Before getting upset, and starting a social media campaign, re-read that sentence. I am talking about a specific set of facts:
- my parenting
- my home
- my children
I fully acknowledge that single mothers whether they are single by choice or circumstance are making the best parenting choices they can for themselves, for their children and in their homes. I don’t question their choice or circumstance and I do not question their commitment to be the best mothers they can be for their children. I do say that merely being a single mother does not make you a better mother than I simply because I am married and have a loving, caring, spouse in my home.
Some people argue that it is harder to be a single mother because single mothers must be mothers and fathers. I reject that premise. A single mother may have to do more things because there is no one else in the home to help with parenting duties, whatever they may be. However, a mother, even a single mother, is not a father. As a married mother, my parenting decisions indeed my life must always take into account the thoughts, ideas, opinions and desires of my husband. This means decisions are not unilateral, but often the result if consensus building and compromise. So while it is true that it is hard to be the only one available to make the decisions, it is also hard to have to make decisions that a spouse will agree with and support.
Being a mother is hard. It doesn’t matter if you are a single mother, or a married mother, being a mother is hard work. That fact does not seem to be debatable. The debate over who does a better job single mothers or married mothers seems like an argument created to cause disengagement and discord rather than something productive. Instead of debating who does a better job, wouldn’t it be better if all mothers spent that time taking a long, luxurious bubble bath and reading a good book?
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Parenting is a tough job not a hustle and debating single or married who does the better job, who has the harder job, is wasteful time spent. The proof is in the pudding or grown kids which of course can only be determined long after your daily parenting days are gone! I know great functioning self sufficient humans from single parent moms and from 2 parent homes.
I have been both at different times in my life and I think that as a single mother I worried more that I was getting it wrong, but as a married mom I still worried that I was getting it wrong. The only difference was as a single mom I was completely on my own having to put full trust into all of my decisions. As a married mom, I had a partner and a sounding board…plus someone to blame if it all went to hell (that part was a joke).